The art of penetration

My stomach keeps turning. Feeling this pain from the inside out and outside in. Wishing that it could all go away simply a dream that hosts a collection of my fears. Fears that only someone inside me could reveal . Your words penetrated my body and those words stroked long and deep filling me with u. U? What did u do to me? I crave your touch insatiable by anyone else but u. You hit that spot. Plucked and plucked away at my spot with your promises only to learn that a promise can always be broken. Damn u got me feenin for you, you are the only one who can cure my desire to be freed.
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Single b*itches relationship envy

I'm about to vent because I'm so upset I'm not even mad. I need to breath whheeew. Okay first let me say this is not about all single women this is about the ones who have nothing better to do but be all up in your relationship. When your in a relationship you don't have time to worry about silly sh*t but single b*tches they got all the time in the world. Why are they so worried about what your baby is doing? They cause unnecessary drama because they lonely and lonely loves company. Stay the f*ck outta my relationship just when everything is cool yall been cool for a min and here come the single bitch she is just about as reliable as the most faithful woman in the world "Karma." I don't get it she can make something so small and insignificant & blow it way outta proportion. That's one reason single females don't have too many friends who aren't single. Them single bitter females who can't or haven't found a partner wanna stir up your happiness because they aren't getting it on the regular. This sh*t really pisses me off because why would you take time outta your day to call and f*ck up my day? Are you serious you really have nothing better to do but call me with some bullsh*t? Its like you have a group of friends who are all single one of yall gets into a relationship their is always one female who is determined to f*ck up your relationship. She gonna say sh*t like, " I saw such and such with so" and" so or so and so was talking to females like they was single." Its like that Usher song Echo people starting sh*t and don't know what the f*ck is up. Your friend may have relationship envy that's what I'm calling that sh*t single b*tches that hate on your relationship because they single and don't have nothing better to do. Blogging is sooo therapeutic whew I have put the anger in words and now I feel refreshed...
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first ache....

Can u relate to a bad break up especially your "first?" Like I said I write about things and people I've encountered this is not about one or any specific people let's just get that out the way. This may be how you feel or felt....
If you've been in a long relationship where time is invested(years) a break up is very difficult to get over because the more time you spend with a person you grow roots together. Lesbian relationships are so much worse because we connect with each other on an intimate level that no man can ever feel. Something about her that makes you crave her, something that makes you fiend for her its unexplained. You would do anything for her and she has your purist love your "virgin" love. She is your first experience and she promises that she will never do you wrong. Your heart tells you she is the one but like dream says when it comes to love you never use the right side of your brain. You overlook signs that you normally would ignore or even tolerate because she has your "virgin" love and she's told you that you've got nothing' worry about. Then you see she is changing more and more but you hold on to the memories of the good times like they just happened yesterday. You know better... you feel it in your soul that something isn't right but you stay because she has your "virgin" love. The problem with "virgin" love is that you become blinded because she has part of you that nobody else has. When you get your lesbian virginity taken you don't know what to do because you can't imagine living life without her. She showed you how to use your tongue or fingers she broke you in she was your first. Believe me it will take time to get over your hurt and pain but once you do take the experiences that's you've had with that person and examine the situation. Its over for a reason infidelity,trust issues, growing apart the love is gone...Whatever the case learn from what happened good and bad because now you will be a different person...memories of the life you've had replay in your head like your favorite song on replay...you don't want to listen to the radio because you'll hear a song that reminds you of her... So you listed to depressing or angry music, songs like "HalfCrazy" by Musiq, "Burn" and "U got it bad" by Usher We can't be friends by Deborah Cox and R.L., and "I don't wanna" by Aaliyah. Damn she had u heart and you gave her control over it... How could she do this? Not her, she promised, SHE PROMISED...you can't stop wondering how they are or what there doing. You feel like she was your oxygen and now you can't breath. You are so scared you vowed to always be together so what now??? Your heart may want the person back but your head knows better...In the words of Jill Scott "The reality your were never good for me and I was never good for you."

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Shit damn muthaf*cka like D'angelo

I listened to Rainbow blvd radio show and the subject was is she honest? Studs where getting a bad wrap from callers but I am a stud and I'm faithful. My ex's didn't appreciate a genuine person because they had been hurt in the past. It was like they looked for something to be wrong because I was too good to them, so to them either I had a motive or I was frontin why else would someone treat them this good and not expect something in return? Not everyone has a motive, not everyone wants to use you for personal gain. I have especially noticed among women who are new to the "life" or "family" they are very skeptical because when females go from men to women their mentality doesn't necessarily change about givin' up the booty. Just because a stud spends time with you yall talk on the phone and she buy you things with you doesn't mean you have to give up the "good good" or that the femme will give it up at all. Be upfront with your shit and let em know from the gate because if your not feeling her don't kick it with her leading her on. If she gettin p*ssy from you that quick from doin simple shit who else or how many else has she done it to? Get to know the person before you exchange sex faces. I have learned that if you have closure from your past relationship(s) you are more likely to have a successful relationship with your new girl. If you just go from person to person your dragging unnecessary baggage to someone else. Especially when you leave your girl for that jumpoff/side chick and when your "relationship" with new person is in jeopardy and you realize that person isn't really what you thought its too late because you've f*cked up the good thing. Then there is the case when you find yourself always going back to your ex because you never really got over one another but y'all were f*cking other people while separated. That right there causes problems when u break up with someone do not I repeat do not replace your hurt with a person. That's not fair to the stud or femme because here they are giving you their all & the other person is just using you. That is so f*cked up to use people and completely disregard their feelings and then you wonder why you get calls all hours of the night and feel like somebody is watchin you. I think another problem is people fall in "lust" and think its love and don't get to know the person you start off on the wrong foot. Especially when you and your girl have been together for a period of time I'm not talkin' a month or two I'm talkin' about a year or two. People really don't start showing their ass until then that's when you start noticing shit you never noticed and seeing "flaws" or bad habits they didn't appear until then. What happens when your past comes up and shit you never wanted your new chick to know she finds out? Then you have those girls that think they can change you know the ones who pretend they aren't jealous and cool with everything you do and who you kick it with but gradually weed out everyone around you because she wants you alienated from your folks. In my relationships I want my lady to be honest with me that's all don't play with my emotions just because I'm a stud doesn't mean I have feelings like a dude. And what most people don't realize is that once you've been hurt your heart is forever damaged but it can never heal if you dont use your head and heart instead of your p*ssy to get into a relationship and if you don't give yourself "you" time. A female can have a sex game like no other studs and femmes which can cause "p*ssy love" not love love. Your so in love with the sex game you aren't looking at what you have in common besides bustin' a good one. Let's be honest how many people can honestly say they went on real dates and got to know the person on friendship level first before they got physical? If you have no foundation for your relationship how can you build a stable relationship? I had an ex who got off on other people finding her attractive I'm not saying you can't be flattered but to react to the attraction is another. It wasn't like I didn't give her my undivided attention she was that vain that if you showed her interest she wasn't goin to say I'm in a relationship or not exchange numbers. I mean if you have stud/femme friends before we hooked up I can't speak on them but you comin up with "friends" at clubs and shit ain't cool. Not that you really can't be friends but when you come home from the club and you can't stop talking about this new chick that suppose to be a friend that's a problem. Is it just me or do people not notice that when your in a relationship your get attention just because you are taken! That's real shit if your wifed up or cupcakin with that special someone some females take that shit as a challenge like on Double Dare. How trifflin' is that? Or when your girl doesn't feel like your giving her enough attention because you grindin at school and work and can't be caked up all the time and they cheat on you! WTF? What type of shit is that? You bein faithful and trying to provide a future and your lady and yourself and she knocks em' for it but she ain't complaining when yall going out to eat and shopping not goin' in her pocket? Everyone knows that what you won't do somebody will but the person you cheatin/creepin' with ain't goin do half the shit the wifey would do for them. Some people are not meant to be faithful its just not in their DNA so if you are one of those people be upfront with your shit and don't have a girlfriend its that simple ya digg!!!

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Is she outta pocket?

From my experience the femmes that I've encountered love flattery from other studs or people n general. So why is it when a stud gets attention its a problem? Why is it okay for femmes to be told they look good or someone that knows someone wants to get with them but if their stud gets that same attention she wants to get hyphy. Is it just me or is it a double standard? So what would u do if a friend who you haven't spoken with in a min asked if u were still with ya girl was still together bcuz she had a patna who was curious about your status? Is your patna outta pocket for asking? I don't think so but only if they truly didn't know your status. Tell me is your patna outta pocket?
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Y people stare 2 c if im a boy or girl?

Its one thing to be looked at because you not matchin or because you acting a fool in public but why you gone stare at me cuz you can't tell if I am a girl or a boy? I dont look like a man in the face. I wear men's clothes, rock braids and have swagg but features wise I dont look like a dude. I've gone into stores where I have spoken first and people still will say."Sir." I don't have a deep voice so that tells me that people aren't listening to me they're just looking at my outer appearence and completely ignoring me as a person. I can understand if I was trying to come off as a man but that's not what I'm trying to do I am just being me. I went to Vegas and I was walkin down the strip with my girl and two dudes that were dressed in construction shit were eating outside one dude calls out,"Hey" repeatedly. Now I don't know about other folks but that not how you get someone's attention hollerin,"Hey" so dude says" I just wanted to tell you your braids look dope and ask you where you got em' done." Now I don't have a problem if he had came at me the right way if he would have said,"Excuse me or something of that nature I would have answered him but now Aye,Hey ,Yo nothing like that. He had the nerve to tell me "You act like you the president ignoring people that's not how we do it in Vegas!" tell me how this grown ass man is this ignorant. Where does it say I have to answer you because your trying to get my attention? How is it that people think that a f*ckin tourist city such as Las Vegas people are just goin to "obey" they stupid asses. Was it because I am a female with a female and you trying step to me cuz you think I'm tryna be a dude? Im not trying to be a dude I have all my parts that God gave me and are very thankful for them. If dudes are that insecure about my appearance my woman i have just one thing to say,Step ya F*ckin game up!!!! I am not your competition if you want want I have work for it the same way I do. This no anti- male blog I have hella male friends that take care of their shit and arent intimidated by females. If I was a dude that situation would have never went down.
Little kids. Man little kids will stare at me so hard they will turn their heads and stop in mid stride to look to see if I'm a boy or girl. Why havent their parents told them don't stare at people let alone grown folks? What the hell? Why do I need to be stared down by little kids who don't have manners? Everyone is different. Nothing can be a definite determining factor that says this is a woman, this is a man because they fit what you want them to look like. I dont feel comfortable in womens clothes. The people who know me will tell you she don't look right as a "girl". If a man can cook that doesn't make him a female or feminine all it means is that he aint gon be hungry when he wants to eat. If a woman can change her car's oil or a flat tire that doesn't make her a man she just has the ability to do things that need to get done. What is people problem with gender? I am not and will wear girls shit I don't even go into female store unless I'm buying somthing with or for my girl. Are you staring because you trying to figure out how you can my swagg? Are you staring because you think I am fine. Whatever the reason its not nice to stare.


Music that make u wanna get it wett........

I am a huge music fan and I love music that narrates the type of scene or mood I'm in when I wanna be intimate. The month of March has some great releases and I can't stop bumpin' The-Dream and Keri Hilson's new cds. Being a Scorpio I am already a highly sexual individual so if the music is makin me want to get some thats what Im going to do. The-Dream's, "Put It dwn, Fancy, and Sweat it Out" and Keri's, "Slow dance and Make Love," those are my joints matter fact I'm playing them right now. Since high school I would make cassettes (yes I said cassettes im showin my age) and Cds that would set the mood they usually consisted of Aaliyah, Next, Jagged Edge, 112, Missy, 702, Erykah Badu, D'angelo,Ashanti, Blackstreet, Jodeci, SWV, Dru Hill and man just name ppl from the 90s that was poppin' I had em. This blog is takin forever to write bcuz I keepin singin' and dancin and tryna type but Im gonna make it. Have you ever heard a song and imagined if my girl was here what you would do to her her body and how? I'm gonna give you and example Usher has a song,"Seduction," off the Confessions album now visualize: I pick you up from your house the sun is setting and were about to go kick it. Im fitted from head to toe fresh braids, purple button down black wife beat underneath , 501s , J'z, smelling like Lacoste. You lookin so sexy hair down tight shirt, dereon pants and some Af1s (yes I like girls that rock sneakers thanks to Aaliyah) smellin like J'adore. We head to The City (the bay knows what im talkin bout) head to the Castro hit sum clubs on Harrison. When in this one spot and you got me up against the wall your ass all on my zipper. You poppin on me so sexy and and sensual if you keep this up we might be f*ckin on the dance floor. I turn you ass around and have you in the the corner in a lap dance (stud style) I whispered in your ear, "Lets go to the car bcuz your making me so wett." Get in the car turn on the ignition and turn on the heater and press track 2," Freakin you " by Jamie Foxx and I start kissin on your neck you lightly moan I reach over and lay your seat back. Your grabbin on my shirt thats half way unbuttoned and tell me, "Take that shit off," I comply with your request and unbutton your jeans. The windows gettin fogged up but we so gon off the shot of Patron, Long Island Ice teas and Lemon Drops we really dnt know what goin on around us. Usher's song, "Seduction" comes on and im gettin more turned on as you lick on my neck and grab my ass 2 minutes into the song comes on by that pants are off and I'm in my sports bra. Im feeling you drippin dwn my hand and and I am spelling my name with my tongues on your pantyline Im talking bout those kinda moments. Let me know if yall have music that inspires you your inner freak to come out and play?